Knowing how much he was missing Zackie, I found the little pumpkin that decorated Zack's bed at SickKids when he was born. I let Jayden take it to bed and it seemed to help. He even smelled it to see if it still smelled like his brother.
After a few more tears, as we snuggled in bed, Jayden asked me,
"Can people in heaven read messages in your mind?"
I said "yes".
He closed his eyes and sent a message to his brother, while I hugged and cried along with him. It was a heart wrenching moment that I will never forget. He was in so much pain and just wanted to speak to Zack. I never asked what he said, but it seemed to comfort him. Jayden hasn't shown a lot of tears about Zack's death, but in the last few months, its been happening a lot and more often. Could it be that he is now understanding that Zack's really gone? Could it be the twin connection that he is missing? Maybe he's found a way to feel connected? Maybe this is how we will need to help him when he's missing Zack.
My sweet Jayden fell asleep in my arms and I pulled the covers over my own head and fell asleep. That moment had taken so much out of me, so I closed my eyes and sent my own message to Zackie.